A Holiday Miracle

At the beginning of the Christmas season I had a meltdown. I was tired of all my bah humbug grinchy family members ruining my Christmas cheer year and year. The kids and I had been fighting about them not wanting to go to Thanksgiving dinner and they were already being brats about Christmas. My husband was moping around about the holidays. I haven't had as much energy, physically or mentally, since I had major surgery in July. School was very homework heavy this semester and I was just feeling generally overwhelmed with the stresses of being a mom and caregiver. I couldn't take any more fighting over something like the holidays. This should be the happiest time of the year. It used to be. I needed it to be again.

I wanted to go to a small town Christmas festival early in the season and my suggestion was being met with complaints and grumbling. My kids said no way. My husband said he'd go if I went, but he didn't want to. After the month long fight over Thanksgiving and the complaints I was already hearing about Christmas, I had enough. "FINE! I AM DONE. I'M NOT MAKING ANYONE DO ANYTHING CHRISTMASSY. IF PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO DO CHRISTMAS THINGS I'M NOT MAKING YOU DO THEM. I'M NOT FORCING YOU. I'M NOT GOING WITHOUT YOU. I'M JUST DONE." I may have shed a tear or two. After years and years of being the queen of Christmas, with three kids and a husband who hate the holidays, I finally broke. My Christmas spirit was gone.

Something happened to my family after I had my outburst. They all decided we should go to the Christmas festival. I was pouting and not even dressed and they told me I should get ready. We went and no one complained about anything, even though there wasn't as much to do as I had hoped. We stood in long lines out in the cold, and no one said an single negative thing. They even agreed to get our picture taken with Santa for the first time since they were little.

But it wasn't just that night. They were enthusiastic about taking Christmas card pictures. They laughed and posed and had fun with it. Alyssa spent the evening helping me pick out the picture to use as our Christmas card and choosing which card design to order.

My husband has watched many Christmas movies with me this month. He wore silly socks  to our family party even though he doesn't like attention.

Alyssa came home from her dad's house for our family Christmas party. She wore a Christmas sweater and socialized the whole night, which is very unlike her.

We've watched Christmas movies, listened to Christmas music, made gingerbread houses and my family hasn't complained at all. Alyssa has asked to do things I hadn't even planned this year, like going on a Christmas light scavenger hunt last night.

Caleb didn't want to go look at lights with us and I was disappointed, but I wasn't going to say anything about it since they've been so good all month. Alyssa jumped on his case and told him he had to go. He said, "Alyssa, you don't even like Christmas." She responded, "I know, but I'm really trying to this year.". I got a tear in my eye and told her, "Christmas is magical and life is hard. We should look for any magic we can find in this world." She said, "You're not wrong." and yelled at her brother to get in the car.

We drove around for hours last night, listening to Christmas music and trying to find all the hard things on Alyssa's list (Mrs. Claus and the Grinch escaped us). We all had fun and we laughed and laughed.

I have truly seen the magic of Christmas and giving in my family this year. They could see I was struggling because life IS hard and I needed the happiness of the holidays and positive family time. They gave that to me. I think they needed it too, especially Alyssa. As my kids are getting older, family time is the most precious gift in the world to me. My heart has grown three times its normal size this December. There have been no stresses this week, only JOY. I'm looking forward to Christmas eve festivities tonight and opening presents tomorrow morning with all three of my kids. I'm feeling Christmas excitement like I haven't felt in years. It's a holiday miracle!

St. Patty's Day Tablescape and Irish Dinner

We have never done leprechaun traps or other kidsy St. Patrick's Day traditions at our house, but every year I make an Irish meal and some sort of green dessert to celebrate the holiday. Instead of doing corned beef, I typically do pork and I always make Irish soda bread!

Irish Bacon and Cabbage

boneless pork roast
red potatoes
carrots
cabbage
salt

The night before cooking, place the roast into a big bowl of cold water and add lots of salt... about a cupful. Let it sit in the fridge overnight. The next morning, place the drained meat in the crockpot with potatoes and carrots. Add a bit of water. Let cook on low all day. 30 minutes before serving add the cabbage, cut into chunks.

Irish Soda Bread

4 c flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 to 1 ½ c buttermilk

Preheat oven to 425. Mix together dry ingredients. Gradually add buttermilk, mixing with a large spoon until dough is firm enough to be gathered into a large ball. If the dough is crumbly, add some more buttermilk, a tablespoonful at a time, until it all adheres to the ball. Place on a lightly floured board. Pat and shape it into a flat circular loaf, about 8 inches around and 1 ½ inches thick. Set on a floured baking sheet. With the tip of a knife, cut a ½ inch deep cross into the dough, dividing it into quarters. Bake for about 35-45 minutes or until the top is golden brown. Remove from the oven and wrap in a clean dish cloth. Let cool about 20 minutes.

Of course in an LDS home we have root beer with our St. Patty's Day dinner!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Christmas Jello

I'm pretty much in love with how adorable this Jello is.  My whole family oooed and ahhhed over it.  It was like a magic trick or something, the way they all asked, "How did you do that?"  It was actually pretty simple and it was delicious.  My family of four polished off the whole pan.  My husband said it tasted like Christmas...

Christmas Jello

1 lg box red Jello brand Jello
1 lg box green Jello brand Jello
2 pkt unflavored gelatin
1 can sweetened condensed milk
hot water

Mix the red Jello powder with 2 cups of hot water and stir until dissolved.  Pour into a loaf pan or similar size pan sprayed with cooking spray.  Do the same with the green Jello into a separate prepared loaf pan.  Refrigerate both until firm.

After red and green Jellos are firm, mix the 2 packets of unflavored gelatin with 2 cups of hot water and stir until dissolved.  Add the can of sweetened condensed milk and stir well.  Let cool at least 15 minutes.  You can place in the fridge if desired.

While the white mixture is cooling, line a 9x13 or similar size pan with plastic wrap and spray with cooking spray.  Cut the red and green finished Jellos into cubes and place evenly into the prepared pan.  Once the white mixture has cooled enough that it won't melt the cubes, pour evenly over the red and green.  Refrigerate for several hours or overnight.

To serve, lift the whole Jello out of the pan using the plastic wrap.  Cut into squares.  You can do large squares or you can cut small bite size squares.  It's delicious with or without whipped cream on top!

My kids are spending the first half of Christmas break with their dad this year, so I decided to do a red and green dinner the night before they left.  I'm dying sick (I think I get sick every year around this time) so it needed to be simple!  Meatball subs, Caesar salad and this delicious Jello were the red and green menu!  Festive but totally easy!  The Jello was made the night before, and everything else whipped together quickly! Yay for fun December dinners!

PTSD and Decorating for the Holidays

Combat PTSD is an odd thing. Even though everyone's situations are different, there are a lot of similarities I hear about as I'm talking to other wives of PTSD vets.  As autumn-time starts to approach, a lot of vets with combat PTSD can be really "triggered".  The summer is coming to an end, the holidays are approaching, the days are warm but the nights are cold... this can all lead to them feeling unsettled, which can aggravate their PTSD symptoms.

Another thing I've noticed, is that decorating for the holidays can bring about a negative change for those with combat PTSD.  I, myself, was feeling a little melancholy as I packed away my every day living room decor because I know that once the Halloween decorations are up the Christmas season will be here in the blink of an eye and my house won't be back to normal until after the first of the year.  

The holiday season always flies by!  If my brain, that doesn't have anxiety, can link together Halloween decorations with all the other things that will happen throughout the rest of the year, just think of what it can do to someone who dreads the hustle and bustle of the holidays!

When you have PTSD not only are changes (like the whole house being decked out for Halloween,) hard, but the holidays in general are hard as well.  The holidays bring with them a lot of extra stresses for the average person, but when you have PTSD, depression and anxiety (the three go hand-in-hand) the holidays can be a nightmare.  Crowded stores, busy traffic, the anxiety of buying gifts, neighbors dropping by, big holiday parties, the extra expenses, lots of noisy family coming over, etc, etc are sometimes more than a vet can handle.  Decorating for the holidays can start to bring about extra anxieties as they start to worry about everything that the holiday season entails.  I am someone who REALLY gets into the holidays, so I thought I'd share a few things I've learned along the way.

Here are a few tips for making things go a little easier with your PTSD spouse as you decorate for the  holidays:

1- Try to inform your husband ahead of time before you do things like pull out a dozen holiday totes and turn your house upside down, especially if you'll want his help, because you don't want him to shut down.  My husband has memory issues, but I still try to give him a heads up that I'll be decorating soon.  I remind him the week before, the week of, the day before and the morning of that I will be decorating.  Even if he doesn't remember the exact day it will be happening, the idea has had a little time to become familiar to him.

2- Don't expect him to keep up with you.  My husband is home with me full time.  Because of this sometimes I think that he can tackle a six hour project like I can.  This is just not true.  I use my husband for things like reaching boxes I can't reach and helping me pull stuff out of a storage room and that's about it.  Seeing hoards of holiday totes and decorations everywhere is extremely overwhelming for someone with PTSD.  They like small and simple tasks and the way I decorate is not small or simple.

3- Try to get it all done in a day.  In some years past I've let myself take my time while decorating.  Now I try to pick a day when I can get it all done in a few hours.  The rest of us can adapt to a few days of chaos, stepping over boxes tripping over decorations, etc, but if I want my husband to sleep at night I've got to get things semi in order by bedtime.

4- Play it by ear. If my husband is having a really bad week, it's just not going to work to decorate right now.  He will either need my undivided attention or the stress of decorating will be too much for him, or both.  That's ok!  As much as I love my house decked out in holiday fun, I love my husband more and sometimes things need to be scaled back or even done away with completely for a little while so my focus can be on him.  Caregiving is often about sacrifice and in the grand scheme of things, whether or not my Halloween or Christmas stuff was put up during a certain week or even that year at all doesn't really make THAT much of a difference.

5- That being said, don't let go of what makes you happy.  I really, really (like really) find joy in the holidays!  There are certain holiday traditions that are super hard on my husband and I've had to let them go, but I HAVE TO hold on to who I am.  When you are a caregiver it's easy to lose who you are because you're always worried about whether or not something will trigger them or how they're emotionally doing.  Don't let go of what you love.  If you think decorating for the holidays are a pain and it makes your husband unhappy, don't do it.  But if you really love it then it's probably worth the extra stress on you both to not let go of who you are and what makes you happy!

As we head into the holiday season this year I'm hoping to be able to share more about what it's like to be a caregiver to someone with combat PTSD.  Even if it's not totally applicable in your life, I feel it's important to promote awareness. If it is applicable hopefully you will realize that you aren't alone. 

Halloween is coming...

Although my family throws tantrums about me decorating for Christmas in November, they beg me to decorate for Halloween in September.  I decorated around the 15th and Alyssa asked me what took me so long.  

My tower of pumpkin people make me smile every time I see them!

The top of my piano is always the most festive place in our house during the holidays.

These pumpkins really match my bedroom or bathroom better than my living room, but I put them up anyway!  I made them from a shower curtain!  They are large and fabulously shabby!

I love black cats!

This shiny Halloween tree was a $2 thrift store find this year.

Halloween touches everywhere!

Even my kitchen is getting into the Halloween spirit!

When do you decorate for Halloween at your house?

PTSD and Fireworks

June is PTSD Awareness Month and today is PTSD Awareness Day.  A comment I saw on facebook the other day made me want to say a few words about combat PTSD and fireworks as we head into the fireworks season.  The comment was an innocent one made by someone trying to understand PTSD, but many took offense by it.  It went something like this:

"I would think that vets would expect that there would be fireworks on the 4th of July and so they wouldn't be surprised by them."

Many people think that combat vets with PTSD don't like fireworks because they get startled by them.  It is true that getting startled, especially by something that sounds like gunfire, is a trigger for PTSD, but that's just a little part of it.  According to Mental Health America, "For people with PTSD, it is very common for their memories to be triggered by sights, sounds, smells or even feelings that they experience. These triggers can bring back memories of the trauma and cause intense emotional and physical reactions, such as raised heart rate, sweating and muscle tension."

For many combat vets being triggered not only causes panic attacks, but it can also trigger a full-blown flashback of combat.  Flashbacks can be small and last only an instant, with their aftershocks lasting minutes, hours or days, or they can take someone back into combat for hours where they are reliving all the pain, stress and emotion of being in combat.  They may be seemingly alert and act out the combat thinking they are actually there, or they may be huddled up in a ball reliving it like a really intense dream... either way, reality is gone and they are back at war with all the pain, fear and anger that accompanies it.

Combat PTSD can be triggered by so many more things than fireworks, but this time of year is dreaded for many vets.  They know the fireworks are coming.  They probably once enjoyed fireworks as much as anyone else.  They don't want their family and friends to miss out on the festivities on their account, so often times they'll try to "get over it" or "man up" and face the fireworks.  Men and women who saw combat are not weak, but they see their aversion to fireworks and their PTSD in general as a weakness.

Every year my husband thinks he'll be fine to watch fireworks.  Every year he psychs himself up, telling himself that he's being ridiculous and that we are safe at home.... that this is not war.  Guess what?  As soon as he catches the first glimpse of an aerial firework in the distance, as soon as he hears the first neighborhood firecrackers, as soon as he smells the gunpowder, his PTSD is triggered.

Tracers
Source: Baltimore Sun

Getting startled by fireworks is bad, but the startling is really just a small part of it.  In his mind, aerial fireworks become tracers in the sky, the sounds of fireworks become artillery or machine gun fire, firecrackers become gun shots, the smell of fireworks becomes gun powder.  It doesn't matter if he knows that it is the 4th of July, or New Year's Eve or whatever the occasion may be.  It doesn't matter if he sees someone light the fuse.  It doesn't matter if he doesn't want to be "weak" and he tells himself he's being "stupid".  Combat PTSD is combat PTSD and triggers send you back to combat in your mind and body.

Because my husband and I both advocate freedom and I really, really love the 4th of July and fireworks, we don't place combat vet signs in our yard on the 4th of July.  We don't expect our neighbors to be quiet as they celebrate the 4th, although I do think people need to be respectful with their fireworks, combat vet or not... we all know THOSE people who shoot off noisy fireworks all hours of the night for weeks on end.  Come on, people.

If it's possible we go camping during fireworks holidays.  We get out of the city where we don't see, hear or smell fireworks.  This works for us.  There is no way to completely avoid fireworks.  It's only June 27th and I went to bed listening to them last night, but we do what we can to avoid the bulk of them.  When you live with combat PTSD there are triggers on a daily basis and although you can learn to cope in a lot of ways, there are certain triggers you learn to just avoid completely if you can.

Yes, startling a combat vet is a bad idea, but I hope this helps you to understand there is a little more to it than that where fireworks are concerned.

Molasses Cookies

I love Molasses Cookies/Gingersnaps... like a lot!  I love them year-round, not just at Christmastime, but Christmas is usually when I make them.  These cookies are so soft and delicious.  They have a strong flavor, which is fabulous!  For a milder flavor you can switch out the molasses for corn syrup.  It's a trick I learned when molasses just wasn't in my grocery budget.

Molasses Cookies

1 c. real butter, melted & cooled slightly

1 c. brown sugar

2/3 c. molasses

2 eggs

1 T + 1 tsp baking soda

1 T ginger

2 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp cloves

1/8 tsp cardamon

1/2 tsp salt

4 c. flour

1 c. white chocolate chips

small bowl of white sugar

Whip butter, brown sugar, molasses and eggs together until well blended.  Add spices and mix.  Add flour and mix well.  Stir in white chocolate chips.  Dough will be soft.  If dough is too-too soft you can add another 1/4 cup of flour.

Use a 1 teaspoon cookie scoop to make balls of dough.  Roll each ball in white sugar and place on a greased cookie sheet or baking stone.  Do not flatten balls.  Bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes.  Check at 8 minutes and pull out of the oven before completely set.  Carefully remove from cookie sheet as soon as they come out of the oven.  Allow to set, then place in a tightly covered container or plastic baggie to keep soft.

Thing have been getting Christmasy around our house!  I fell in love with this cute reindeer sweater!  Who cares that I've never been to a Christmas sweater party... I'll wear it throughout the holiday season!

 

I just love Christmas and the wonderful spirit it brings with it!  Today I'm going to a holiday potluck, This weekend is our church breakfast... I got asked to participate in the skit, YIKES!  

Next week I'm inviting some ladies over for homemade hot cocoa and cinnamon bread and next Saturday I'm hosting my family Christmas party.  I love it all!

We've been having fun so far this month attending a live nativity and looking at the lights on Temple Square.  We're going on a trip for Christmas again this year, which we're all excited for!  I'd rather make memories with my kids rather that buy them more "stuff" they don't really need.  Happy December!

Thanksgiving Tablescape

Every November I get sad that I don't have "turkey plates" for my Thanksgiving tablescape.  They're SO expensive though and in all my years of thrifting I've never found even a single turkey plate second-hand.  This week I found a stack of 17 turkey plates at a thrift store for $25!!!  The worker said they had just come out and I grabbed them up.  They're in brand new condition and usually it would cost $25 (or more!) for just one plate!

I am the happiest girl this Thanksgiving!  It's a Thanksgiving dream come true!

 

I don't dare let the kiddos use the turkey plates, but they still have a fancy table.

Happy Thanksgiving 2014!!!

Caramel Apple Pie

Not to brag, but I'm pretty dang sure I make the best apple pie!  Now I've found a way to make it even better!  Caramel!

I use the little square wrapped caramels, but you can totally make and use homemade caramels if you're really feeling ambitious!  I'm including my recipes for my apple pie filling, which is the only way I'll do apple pie, and homemade caramels at the end of the post.

Caramel Apple Pie

1 qt apple pie filling
about 12 caramels
graham cracker crust

Isn't this cool?

topping:
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. flour
1/2 c. oats
1/4 c. butter, melted

Pour the pie filling into the graham cracker crust. Place about 12 unwrapped caramels on top of the pie filling as evenly as you can get them.  Mix topping ingredients well and sprinkle over the top of filling. Bake at 375 for 20-30 minutes until golden and delightful.

a little peak at my Thanksgiving table

Happy Thanksgiving!

Apple Pie Filling

Per Pie:
5 apples, cored, peeled and sliced thick
1 c. sugar
1/4 c. corn starch
1 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1/2 c. water
3/4 c. apple juice
2 TBSP lemon juice

Boil all ingredients until desired thickness. I barely let mine reach a full boil.  Canning directions are here if you want to make the pie filling in bulk.

Caramels

1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk
2 c. sugar
1 c. butter
1/4 tsp salt
1 1/2 c. light corn syrup

Cook and stir all ingredients in a heavy pan over medium-high heat until the mixture starts to boil. Stir constantly using a heat-proof rubber spatula scraping the sides and bottom the whole time.  I've found this is the trick to smooth, pretty caramels.

You must use a spatula and scrape constantly! Once the mixture starts to boil turn the heat to medium. Cook and stir and scrape without stopping until the mixture reaches 230-240 (depending on how soft/firm you want your caramels). I pull mine off the heat at 230, but I like really soft caramels. At 240, they're still soft, but a little more like the square caramels you buy in the store. Remove from stove and add 1 tsp vanilla. Pour into a buttered 9x13 pan and cool until the next day. I like to use 2 square pans instead of a 9x13.  Cut them into small pieces and wrap individually in wax paper.

Halloween Care Packages

Care packages are so fun to make and send!  You can send them to your favorite soldier, missionary, family member or friend for any reason!  The Dollar Tree had these cute Halloween boxes last year.  I haven't been in this year to see if they got them again, but they are perfect for small Halloween care packages!

Filled with gummy boogers, m&ms, eyeball suckers and other goodies these make a fun surprise to bring out the kid in anyone!  I wrapped mine in brown paper to ship and it reminded me of a Happy Meal box!  Send a little Halloween goodness to someone today!  If you need the name of a military friend to send to AnySoldier.com is my favorite site for that!  We should have a blog swap soon!  I miss getting packages!

Halloween Popcorn

Gourmet popcorns are so addicting!  They're pricey to buy, but so easy to make!  Mix some candy corn with popcorn (buttered or not, it's up to you!).  Drizzle melted chocolate chips, white chocolate chips or peanut butter chips over the top.  Mix and match or do all three.  For prettier, more even drizzles, spread the popcorn onto a cookie sheet covered in wax paper.  Drizzle with the melted chocolate, let set, then break into pieces and serve!  For a quicker treat just drizzle it right over popcorn in a bowl, stir and enjoy!

Simple & Inexpensive Halloween Pedestal Jars

These were so much fun to make!  They look great all together as a centerpiece or placed here and there around the house!

You can use any candle holders you like for bases!  Once painted you can't even tell these guys were snowmen.  Candle holders are super cheap at thrift stores and yard sales.  A lot of times the dollar store has them too!  The jars are just old glass food jars!

Paint the candle holders and lids black or whatever Halloweeny color you want.  Glue them to the jars with a heavy duty epoxy.  I like E6000.  Let the glue set overnight.

I found fun Halloween graphic online and printed them on orange paper for really inexpensive jar fillers.  A few glittered spiders and some candy corn worked great too!

This little guy is a Styrofoam ball painted orange and glued into a mini baking cup.  A bead is the "cherry".  A glittered spider is trying to catch the plastic fly under the dome!

These make great gifts too!  I love Halloween!

Getting Ready for a Halloween Market

Halloween is my favorite holiday!  I crafted my little heart away on Saturday getting ready for a booth I'm doing at the Star Mill Antique store in American Fork, Utah on Wednesday, September 18th from 10am-2pm.  If you're local come on down!  I'll be making many more witchy crafts over the next week, plus Millie, the cute pink glamper, will be there filled with all sorts of everyday vintage treasures!  The address to the Star Mill is 147 e 600 n in American Fork. Pop on in on the 18th and say hi!