"We have heard the statement, "marriage is a partnership." But what kind of a partnership? It is not an equal partnership, for man's role is to be guide, protector, and provider, whereas woman's is loving wife, mother, and homemaker. Man and woman are not partners in leadership, nor motherhood, nor homemaking. With thought we can see that although man's and woman's role are equal in importance, they are not equal in responsibility. In "Marriage for Moderns," by Henry A. Bowman, this unequal partnership is compared to a lock and key. Man and woman, he tells us, are like a lock and a key which join together to form a functioning unit. "Together they can accomplish something that neither acting alone can accomplish. Nor can it be accomplished by two locks or two keys. Each is distinct; yet neither is complete in and of itself. Their roles are neither identical nor interchangeable. Neither is superior to the other, since both are necessary. They are equally important. Each must be judged in terms of its own function. They are complementary." Marriage, then is a complementary partnership."
---Fascinating Womanhood pg 78---
Most of you didn't know me when I was a married stay-at-home mom... It's been several years. This concept of defined roles has always been very important to me, but not something I've been able to fully embrace as a single, working mom. Eric and I are striving to bring back the "era of defined roles" in our relationship. I don't think it's the economy that has changed the need for mothers to work outside the home, I believe it is people's own attitudes and the culture we live in. I have always felt it my main responsibility to be in my home with my children, no matter what their ages are. I am fine without brand new fancy cars, huge houses and expensive vacations. I am more than ok living within my means, whatever they may be, by thrifting and being creative. I should be taking care of my house and children. So many families say that in "today's society" it is a necessity for a family to have two incomes. I do not believe that to be true. I believe it may be necessary for a family to have two incomes to keep up a lifestyle that they want, not what they NEED, but what they want. What are you losing in the process though?
I think it takes a lot of humbleness and faith in the Lord's divine law and order to fully submit to your husband. It is a role that most men struggle with today, let alone their wives. Men like to say that they are the "leaders" in their homes, but it's rare that they actually step up to the plate and fulfill that calling to the best of their abilities. It is very hard for women to fall into their role when their husbands struggle with their own.
I fully believe that the decline of society, marriage and families has happened because of things like the feminist movement. Men and women were not created to be equals in everything... they were created to be equally important though. It's an interesting journey that Eric and I are taking to try and bring the mentality of defined roles into reality, but I believe it will be worth it. As I am working to humble myself and have more faith in Eric and his abilities and step back from the family leadership responsibilities I have been taking on for so long, I am also working to help him become the strong man that he needs to be to fulfill his role as a husband, father and leader in our home. I think this goes far beyond religious beliefs to an arrangement of divine origin. It's something that we will work on daily in our home.
3 comments:
I mostly agree with you. I mean any partnership needs clearly defined roles; but I think you mean defined by gender.
I'm not sure I would go so far as to define the roles *completely* by gender; however, I do recognize that there is a fundamental difference in men and women. My husband teaches our daughter to buck up and get back on the bike when she falls whereas I'm the one kissing the bruises. That's why it's important for kids to have a mother and a dad - we balance each other.
We have sort of a non-traditional household. I work mornings and early afternoons (I'm home by 2) and my husband works at night. This way we can both be home with our daughter and I have a chance to do work that has been a lifelong dream and that fulfills me. I think that my husband was completely manly and selfless when he helped me arrange this; he takes a crummy shift so I can do something I love.
But I will say that, if my child had to be in a daycare to accomplish this, we would not do it. I could not be professionally fulfilled knowing my child is being raised by daycare workers. We have sacrificed a lot of material goods in order to make this work as well.
I am totally opposed to how the feminists have pussified men. I don't want to see men crying all the time. I don't want a man who waxes his eyebrows or who can't change a tire. It's distasteful to me that so many have tried to undermine manhood. I have to admit, I even cringed when you called Eric the "gentleman homemaker." I know what you meant and that you weren't intending to immasculate him, but that's the image the phrase conjurs up in my mind.
And I certainly don't feel empowered when my pregnant self walks into a waiting room with no seating left and no man gets up to offer his chair.
So, yes, I believe in traditional men and their roles. But I also think there can be more balance in the household when it comes to raising our kids.
Dang it, I had one more important point to make and it has completely popped out of my head. I'll remember it later and post then.
I remember what it was!
I think women should make an effort to look good for their man. I think it's gross when a man comes home and his wife is still in her PJ's and hasn't bathed. I'm sure she is busy with the house, but come on. It takes just as long to put pajama pants on as it does to put on a pair of jeans. And some eyeshadow and mascara takes 2 minutes at most. Are you (not *you*, Angie, but these people who tell me they don't have time) trying to tell me that there's not 2 minutes in your entire day that you don't sit down to facebook or something equally inane that you can't put on some eye makeup and lipstick?
Remember, your man is at work all day with women who make an effort to look nice. He deserves to come home to a wife who takes the same pride in herself. If not, it won't be long until his head is turned.
And put out now and then, for pete's sake. It's unfair to ask him to bring home the bacon to an ungrateful wife who completely ignores his physical needs (as well as her own - I mean women like it too).
I love your comments! I have been on the same soap boxes many times!
ps. Eric came up with the Gentleman Homemaker as a name for his blog. It wouldn't have been my choice... The fact he considered himself a homemaker was actually a bit of a turn off for me. I'm a fan of manly men, not men who are taking pictures of the living room they just decorated (No offense to Eric if he happens to read this... *grin*)
But look at us 6 months later... Right now, he's at work and I just took a break from cleaning the kitchen to comment. Men, like women, sometimes have to take on roles that they wouldn't naturally fall into just because there isn't another person there to help them out. Once Eric had someone who was willing to cook/clean/take care of kids/etc he easily stepped into the role of provider and allowed me to flourish where I do the most good.
I love that you and your husband are both there for your daughter. She will know how much you both sacrificed to give her the very best! Every family does what is best for them and you are doing a great job! :)
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